Manual 365/118 Orange Fields And Arseholes On Churches… Bollocks!

…Yup, them too!

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But orange fields?DSC_3500.jpg

With a tree too!

Pass the cucumber Vicar!

Bit of a surreal day today.

The field is just inside the M25 as you’re coming by Maple Cross, Junction 17 I think. I’ve been watching it for the last couple of weeks but today it popped! And the Gargoyle (I think it’s technically a corner stone) is on the St Mary The Virgin Church in West Knoyle, Picture of the church here (thanks for the heads up… I’m sure that’s the right terminology Nick)

Peace Peeps! x

Manual 365/81 Pwew! Pwew! Barney, Mcgrew, Chewciggy, Windmill and Pub!

My name is Hans Salad and I arrived in Milton Keynes via the Degabar (M1) System but unfortunately, due to the rush hour it took 465 parsecs rather than the 12 I’m used to. I’d divert but the Kessel run’s a right bugger at that time of night and it was dark. Chewciggy, my trusted co-pilot managed to capture some long exposures of our attack on the Death Spud that has been threatening to annihilate The Keynes and cause up to £3.50’s worth of improvements, I can safely say that said Death Spud is now fully waffled!

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As a reward for our bravery Prince Lypo allowed us to lodge at his Intergalactic Space Windmill / Pub (‘onestly Guv, it’s ‘undreds* of years old, they always used to build ‘em on the top of pubs, all the hot air you see…*tens)
After a satisfying meal of stuffed Tortilla and guockampol… Quackamol…… Salsa. I took a stroll around the glass landing pad and admired the small droids who uttered their admiration of my skill in dealing with the Death Spud using a strange alien quack.

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Unfortunately, I think the peace is going to be short lived…

That’s no moon… No, just to the left a bit… Yes, I know, that is the moon but that, there… Oh, it’s Jupiter… My bad!

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Peace Peeps! x

Manual 365/42 Super Heroines, Boobs And Bellies…

All model releases and relevant forms were signed to allow me to post todays blog and may I offer my thanks to my models, Sandie (The Wife) and Suzie (The Mother In Law)

The Indoor swimming pool in the complex insist that you wear a swimming cap so the first thing that was said upon purchasing said caps was… “What else can we use them for?” and voila, Super Heroines; Introducing Spider Pants and Deadpuddle!!!

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Once they stopped prancing about like Mexican Wrestlers they actually managed to get into the pool I got some shots off which showed them in a much better light…

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Like I said they’ve given me full permission to use the shots I have and I promise to destroy the ones they didn’t so, Thanks you again loads!

On a technical note, editing shots with reflections and other things involved with swimming pools (I expect lakes etc.. to be different again) was a little challenging hence the lack of pool shots but, once I get me head around it I will revisit these pictures so you haven’t heard the last from Spider Pants and Deadpuddle! *Cue the music*

Peace Peeps!

 

Manual 365/13 Oh, Timmy might die because… You know… Some People Are Arseholes.

One thing I have noticed while on my travels over the last few weeks is that no matter what the situation, if there happens to be a member of the public wandering anywhere close or its somebody’s’ place of work there will be a sign, normally rectangle glaring with primary colours shouting at you (and ruining loads of decent pictures) to “mind the bloody obvious!” (Green) Or “don’t break the law”(red and white) or “this will really kill you if you’re stupid enough to touch / climb / lick it.” (Yellow)
Now, I work in a very Health and Safety orientated climate and believe me lots of these signs and many other types are actually really, really needed, very often they go ignored but,

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what this sign really says is…

“Hey, we have put LOADS of little rubber rings along this wharf just in case little Timmy happens to climb through the railings and fall the twenty feet into the Thames but every night Sid comes along here with his mates and the next day they’re gone, so we’re putting this sign here to:
One. Let you know that if you really love Timmy you’re going to have to get wet.
Two. We’re not prepared to pay any more money out just to have it wash up on a beach in Belgium in 6 months’ time.
Three. We have now told you that there will probably not be any rubber rings so don’t even think about ringing Claims Direct. Or if you really want to blame somebody come down here at half nine tonight and have a chat with Sid and his Crew…”

Here’s a few more situations requiring signs.

1: “Not here Sid!”
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2: “Mud Sucks!””
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3: “No scrap value, and there a guy in the woods with a gun”*
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* True story, he scared the shit out of me when appeared! #thatsharlowforya

No links tonight, I’ll make up for it tomorrow!

Manual 365/5.1 Who’s a Clever Boy!

I don’t watch TV when I stay in Hotels as a rule and every nook and cranny of the room has been photographed with no stand out shots, (You can only angle a lamp so much and if the life was much stiller here it’s going to fossilise!) It’s raining outside and what the receptionist said when I appeared with me camera is unrepeatable. Then I discovered the Time setting on Manual and this happened…..

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Well, I say this happened… It did take me a few attempts!
iPhone torch; too much light…
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Bloody Hell! iPhone torch with my finger over the top… (I am trying to spell “Balls” but thought I’d go for something a bit more classy)
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WTF!
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Nearly There. Just needs a little more thought… Steve!
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Just a little key ring and a very dark room, so hats off to you Mr / Mrs Premier Inn, thank you for your thick curtains and apologies to my fellow guests for all the clicking and stumbling about in the dark!